Let’s be honest. For every person who claims to love networking, there are five more quietly dreading the next event on their calendar. Even the ones who show up every week have days when they’d rather be home, shoes off, door locked, nothing but the radio for company. The truth is, you don’t have to be a people person to get something valuable out of networking. Most of us, even the ones who seem the most natural in the room, have felt that prickle of “what the hell am I doing here?” at least once.
So, what’s the secret? There isn’t one. You don’t have to fake enthusiasm or turn yourself into a social whirlwind. In fact, some of the best connections start with a little reluctance. You just need a way in that doesn’t feel forced.
Start Small, Stay Real
The pressure to “work the room” is overrated. Most people aren’t looking for a performance, just a bit of genuine contact. If the idea of approaching a group feels like too much, start with one person at the edge. A comment about the venue, a joke about the biscuits, or just a quiet hello goes further than you’d think.
And if you’re an organiser, you likely know the best events make room for those who need a minute to settle. Space for smaller conversations, a clear agenda, and a welcoming host can turn the evening from an ordeal into something people might actually look forward to next time. For more ideas, see The Art of Hosting a Great Business Networking Event and You Don’t Have to Run the Event to Make a Real Impact.
Don’t Worry About Being Interesting
Everyone has heard the old “just be yourself” advice, but it’s not much use when your self would rather be somewhere else. The real trick is curiosity. Ask questions that you’re actually interested in, not just the stock “what do you do?” You’ll find most people are relieved to drop the script, and the conversation feels less like work and more like, well, being human. For more on this, try How to Network Without Feeling Salesy or Pushy.
The Power of the Irish Goodbye
No, you don’t have to stay until the lights go up. If you’ve had one or two good conversations, that’s enough. There’s nothing wrong with making a quiet exit once you feel you’ve got what you came for. It’s about quality, not quantity. Your sanity matters more than your business card tally.
For the Old Hands: Permission to Hate It (Sometimes)
Even seasoned networkers have their off days. If you’re feeling flat, don’t force it. Show up, be present for a while, and give yourself permission to drift if it’s not landing. Sometimes just turning up is the win. You never know when a decent chat will cut through and make it all worthwhile. If you’re feeling jaded, you might also like Is Your Networking Group Coasting? or Overcoming Networking Burnout.
Find Your Own Rhythm
There’s no single “right” way to do this. Some thrive on a packed room, others do best in the quiet moments at the edge. If you hate big groups, look for smaller events or try a one-to-one coffee. If you get nervous about the openers, focus on listening. Half the room feels the same way you do, and the ones who don’t are too busy worrying about themselves to notice. For more on finding what works for you, see How Often Should You Be Networking? and The Quiet Value of Serendipity.
Next time you find yourself dreading an event, just know you’re not the only one. Most of us have been there, and most of us survived. Sometimes, the best networking starts when you finally let yourself off the hook.
