If you’ve ever walked out of a business networking event feeling like you’ve just collected a stack of business cards (and not much else) you’re not alone. For every memorable chat, there are a dozen that go nowhere. But does it have to be that way?
The truth about shallow connections
There’s a reason so many conversations at networking events start and end with polite small talk. Everyone’s working the room, everyone wants to make a good impression, and nobody wants to get stuck talking to the one person who treats every exchange like a sales pitch. Add in the clock ticking down, a handful of familiar faces, and a lot of nervous scanning for the next cup of coffee, and you’ve got a recipe for surface-level connections.
Most people play it safe. Ask what you do, nod, swap cards, move on. Sometimes you click with someone, but more often you walk away not quite remembering their name. It’s not that anyone’s doing it wrong; it’s just how these events tend to flow.
Is it really a problem?
Honestly, sometimes it isn’t. Not every conversation is meant to spark a partnership or turn into a lasting friendship. Some people you meet just aren’t your people…and that’s fine. The beauty of most events is there’s always someone else to talk to, and you’re free to move on without guilt. The art is knowing when to linger and when to let go.
But if you always walk away with nothing but a pocket full of cards or a few extra LinkedIn connections you’ll never speak to again, you’re probably missing out on the real value of networking.
Why does it happen?
The short answer: habit, nerves, and the format itself. Most events are set up for quick chats and fast movement. There’s pressure – spoken or unspoken – to meet as many people as possible, which means you rarely get past the surface.
And let’s be honest: sometimes the event itself isn’t doing you any favours. Bad lighting, noisy rooms, tired formats, or hosts who don’t care can leave you feeling like you’ve just been ticking boxes. Some nights, all you get is a crowd of people glued to their phones, waiting for an excuse to leave. It’s not you. It’s the game.
Can you go deeper? (Without making it weird)
Absolutely. The trick isn’t forcing chemistry or reciting an elevator pitch harder, it’s about giving the conversation just enough spark to see if it can go somewhere real. Try asking about something they actually care about: “What’s been the most surprising thing you’ve learned at these events?” or “What’s the best, or worst, connection you’ve made lately?” People respond to honesty and curiosity far better than another round of “So, what do you do?”
Don’t be afraid to show a bit of yourself, either. If you’re bored, say it with a grin: “I’ve had my fill of polite nodding for one night. Tell me something real.” Most people are relieved to drop the script, if you give them a reason.
And if it still doesn’t land? Move on. You’re not obliged to make every connection a masterpiece.
What the best connections have in common
When you remember someone days or weeks later, it’s rarely because of their job title or business card. It’s usually something they said, the way they listened, or a story that actually stuck.
Real connection happens when both sides drop the mask – even briefly.
That’s what turns a handshake into a follow-up, and a follow-up into something that might last.
If you leave with just one conversation that feels real, you’ve done well. Forget about working the room like a machine, aim for a couple of exchanges where you actually care about the answer. The rest is just background noise.
The next time you find yourself stuck in a loop of small talk, remember: nobody came here hoping to collect more LinkedIn zombies. Go for the conversations you might actually remember, and leave the rest for another day.
